That missing feeling

It's hard to describe the feeling of missing someone..

Missing somebody is always a difficult proposition to contemplate. On one hand, its an empty, lonely feeling, the irony is that this absence seems to be taking some solid form in the vacuum of your heart. On the other hand, is the fact that we have somebody to miss a better idea than not having anyone to miss at all? In a sense, its a rather different empty feeling that loiters around the recesses of the soul, so does one have to be thankful that instead of feeling shit about nothing, one has somebody to feel shitty about?

I've had my fair share of this missing feeling for the better part of the year, but none greater than the past few months. Sometimes I rationalise it this way; everybody's bound to miss something. I'm sure everybody in their heart is missing a certain thing, be it their childhood, or another person, or their old job, or a vacation, so you know on that level, I don't feel so bad? Because in the train of thought of missing things, I'm just another doe-eyed passenger riding on this track, with next train stop, mental oblivion!

Sometimes I feel missing someone is an exquisite and sweet pain.. think about it, when lets say you're lover leaves you for a period of time, and there's this absence. It's like, you'd do things A, B, and C with said lover, and now you've got to do them all on their own. Ain't that a funny feeling? And you'd be going through the A's and B's and be like, gosh I wish you were here so I could do all these things with, and you'd smile thinking "yeah, she'd say this about A, I know how she loves to do C before A sometimes when the mood strikes it", and its funny really, how sweet memories can become equally torturous at the same time? Such is the emotional magnitude that gravitates the surface of our hearts.

But if there's a more interesting metaphor for missing someone, it would be this;

The feeling of missing you, which has permeated me for what seems like a mental eternity, I've managed to relegate to a part of my mind which does not surface during normal activities. Meaning I can eat, sleep, and pee sometimes without thinking of you. I've tried my hardest to forget about you, or more aptly, to forget to remember you, but how I describe this unshakable feeling I may have about you?

I see your face in the shadow of every thought.. in the sunshine of happiness, a light pervasive shadow frames the moments and reminds me of how things used to be.. and you know my life can go fine for days at a stretch, but its like a busted car going at 60km/h down a freeway, you think everything is fine and then you hit a roadblock and the whole mental vehicle comes to a crashing halt. Or better yet, its like life is a short story, or a certain article, and you're happily writing, the letters are strung together to make sentences, and the sentences grow longer and longer as you try to fill your life with as much inane things to make you forget about everything, but then there has to be a full stop somewhere. And you to me are that full stop which brings the whole sentence to an end, and its like at the end of every future happy moment, there'll always be this full stop which infinitely always reminds me of you, this emotional punctuation which without, my life would make no metaphorical grammatical sense really.. and whatever that is that I do, I can't ever truly say that I'd stop missing you, because I'll always require that fractional moment to stop and wonder what it is you're doing right at this very moment? And if I punctuate your life the way that you've punctuated mine?

So yes missing someone is truly a blessing and a curse at the same time.. but right now, its alot more cursed than blessing... But it's late at night.. any excuse for a ramble I suppose..