Kids

I was having lunch the other day with a friend and was introduced to some of her friends.

All of them were younger than me and had the words "nOOb at work" plastered on their faces. *Sigh* to be young again.

Anyways, lunch was pleasant and when it came to settling the bill, one of them 'nOObs' had the great idea of using his credit card to pay and we would all pay him back. Great idea when you want to rack up some points and need some cash. Why not?

But lo and behold, the little fucker, as if on cue and in plain sight of eveyone, drops a PLATINUM card on the leather binder.

A platinum card?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Granted, everyone can get a credit card in this time and day but a 'nOOb' with a platinum card? That's like a cancer patient trying to grow back hair.

So the only logical explanation I had was that it must have been daddy's supplementary card. And if true my friends, that would be abso-fucking-lutely shameless.

I felt utterly disgusted.

Please, if you want to make up for that pathetic excuse of a penis, get your own card, 'nOOb'.

Ohai. Thanks.

Everyone dreads that conversation. That phonecall. That sms even.

The one where she says, she's comfortable being friends.

The one where she says she appreciates everything you have done.

The one where she says, she hopes you will understand and not to be sad.

Well I am sorry.

But I am having some trouble understanding right now.

You see. I have this fucking broom right up my ass! So it's a tad hard not to be sad. I hope you understand.

And the purported appreciation? Does absofuckinglutely nothing for me.

It's like the Olympics.

Oh Shucks! you didn't get the Gold. But hey! here's a Silver anyway for your great effort.

Fuck. That. Shit.

Silver is just a candy coated word for 1st Loser.

I really needed that today. You know with all the things I have to deal with, I guess I could spare a few minutes enjoying the probing broom.

Thanks.

Another "what the fuck" statement

"I've really missed you and I think about you everyday.. I've been pretty happy though over the past couple of months.."

So I can only safely presume that you're pretty fucking happy, missing me and enjoying your life??! Fuck that shit!

A terrible answer?

"Would you like to go out with me?"

...

"I will think about it."

How's that for the worse answer evar!